Twenty-Eight

Anyone know of a time machine where I can turn back the clock a few years? Maybe just a standstill for another year?!I feel like I have not accomplished all I wanted to during the year of being 27 and there are only a few more days left until I turn 28...

Some of those things: (and yes some are rather stupid!)

*I was hoping we'd be buying a house. This house isnt so bad. I love it but I would a bigger yard, and new carpet or hardwood flooring...

*Go to school for phelebotomy. Not sure when I would use it, but it would be nice to have for a fall back.

*Clean out my closet! I have done it before...I should do it again! I think I really just need to take the time to actually hang the fallen items back up.

*Get pregnant. I was really hoping by now I would have one child, possibly 2 by now. This is something that is really pressing hard on me. I am having a really hard time with turning 28 and still no kiddo. Either biologically or adoption. I am 110% grateful for my Nathan and Breonna! I would not be who I am without them!!!

*Get Nathan and Breonna in private school. I really want them in private school, not so sure this will happen anytime soon. But its still there in the back of my mind. Someday!*Bedrooms painted. I want them painted. They are white and looking dingy. And I hate painting! So not sure this will ever happen!

*Finish the front yard. One side is done, the other is not. And the side that is done is growing weeds! ARGH! I now know how the bridge painters feel!

*Lose some weight. I am not 100% dedicated to losing it so that is my own issue, not a time issue!

*Organize this house! Oh-my-gosh! Its a done deal that is will never, and I mean NEVER happen!

*Go on a Mission trip. Help someone far away!

*Be more active in my church! I have made some progress on this one though.

*Get crafty. I am so not skilled in the "craft-ed" department. I have tried several times to be crafty in scrapbooking, photography, card making, stamping, hair bow making...I just plain ol'suck at crafts! But I still would like one as a hobby !

*Get my dogs to stay OFF the couch so that we can buy new ones! Any ideas?!

I am having a really hard time with the "no-baby" thing. We are doing this whole adoption thing and I am excited, but scared about it. I was hoping to be pregnant by now at least. I think the whole turning 28 has really scared me even more. I am mean I am closer to 30 now than I ever was before. This doesnt mean anything bad. I know I am still young and I know at 38 I will still be young, but we all have goals and dreams we hope to accomplish by the time we are a certain age and honestly I wanted to achieve pregnancy by the time I was 25. Sometimes I feel bad saying "I want to be a mother!" Like it makes me ungrateful for having Nathan and Breonna. I love those two children like I gave birth to them. I love them enough to lie down and die for those two if I had too. I would do ANYTHING to make sure those two were happy, safe and all the other things parents do for their children. They are MY children. I am their MOM. There is always the thought in my head that there is another mom for them. She is distant and not around, but one day she will be around. They will meet her, stay with her, want to be around her. And while I will always be their mom too and important to them they will always have her too and I cannot deny that. She is their mother! I think I worry about them leaving me. Not needing me because she is there now in their lives and it will happen. It will. It is only a matter of time before it does and I am as ready as I can be for that to happen. She is their mother. I am their mom, but she will always have ties to them. Does it make sense for me to want a child of my own, be it biological or through adoption?!?! Am I selfish?!I am proud to be able to say I am Nathan and Breonna's mom. I always will be.


Anyways those are a few that are I would of liked to have accomplised by the time I was 28 and time is slipping a little too fast to complete those!! I am blessed in many ways. I have my wonderful husband, two super funny and great kids, a nice job, a few great friends, a nice washer and dryer (yes! I love my washer and dryer!) and so much more!Still...if you know where the pause button is I promise to get to at least 1/3 of that list before the "real" 28th birthday comes around!